Okay, so if anyone is reading this, I have new things to complain about. This time, I think they're pretty valid complaints.

I may or may not have trigeminal neuralgia (TN). I had suspected TN before I went to my doctor's on Tuesday. I never told her that I knew anything about TN, just gave her my symptoms and she thinks it's TN as well. I have to schedule an appointment to have an MRI with contrast performed. I can't afford it, but it has to be done. I'm in severe pain all the time and my doctor, knowing what kind of pain I'm in, is treating me ONLY for the preceding migraines and not the pain attacks that follow. So now I stop the migraines and I get hit with the pain attacks without warning.

I can't really describe the amount of pain I experience during these attacks. It's worse than anything I've ever felt in my life. And while people can shower their unwanted pity on me, that is NOT what I need. I need a ride to my doctor's office, the pharmacy, and the MRI place. I don't need, "Aw, I'm sorry." or "I'm worried about you, Della." I figured as much. But that isn't going to help me! And I definitely don't want people spreading MY news.

At this point, I am about to commit suicide. I haven't thought it out completely. I need a mode to do it and swallowing anything wouldn't work since I can barely drink a soda. I have thought about slitting my wrists, but then I wouldn't have enough time to die before someone found me. I just want to escape all the pain: the TN pain, the migraines, the emotional pain of being in love with someone who doesn't know what he wants and is going through bigger problems than what to do about me, my dad looking down on me like I'm a slut for wanting to be with someone else who is not my husband, and being stuck in a marriage where the man I want to leave is using my child to manipulate me into staying with him. I think death is a far better option.