Driving Myself Crazy

Women! Ugh! I swear I'm going to either grow a penis, or just find a bunch of guys that wouldn't mind welcoming me into their circle for nonsexual entertainment. I have been laying in my bed for over 3 hours attempting sleep. But I am so pissed off, I can't fall asleep!

I ended up not having a Christmas. It started back a few weeks, when I was told I would have to work Christmas. I was understandably angry after having worked Christmas last year at the same job. My boyfriend's family did everything they could to take a stab at me knowing it made me angry. Like, "at least you have a job to go to" or "think of all those who have it worse". FUCK YOU! OKAY?! Carie, next time you think, "Boohoo! My husband left me for my best friend." Think to yourself, "Someone else is being cheated on all the time and doesn't even KNOW her husband is messing around with her best friend." Jean, next time you think, "Boohoo! My husband died." Remember that you had over 30 years of being with a man who built you a perfect world your hermit-ass never has to leave. You also have my boyfriend, who happens to be your son. You forced him into some kind of marriage with YOU, sicko!

My boyfriend. Ha! Barely lives up to the claim. I set up "guidelines" to bring our status back to where we were a year ago: he's not allowed to have a drawer in my house; no staying more than two consecutive days in a row; decreased texting; no holidays/birthdays/special occasions together. He said he was bothered by it...then he did a good job hiding that. Because of the bullshit he spat, my Christmas was shit. Then he tried to guilt me by standing up for his smother on my Facebook page. OH MY FUCKING GOD!! You don't say two words to my posts any other time. But when I say something about her, you get all indignant and write a paragraph on my post! AND, you try to make ME out to be the bad person because you stayed at your mother's to "take her to my father's grave". There was no other time for that?! Had to be done at 2pm, when your mother gets up at the crack of fucking dawn? She had to cut into the time, right? Wanted to edge me out so that even though you left MY house at 2pm on Christmas Eve, you wouldn't even be leaving there until AFTER 2pm.

I got her fucking Christmas card. She was careful to choose one that did not say, "Have a Merry Christmas". She also signed it, "Love, Mom and Jim"...you guys ARE a couple, I see. The thing that pisses me off the most, though...how much I have done and sacrificed for you. Your mother has your dad's money. She didn't go to work everyday and work to save. He did. She's generous, alright. So she can use it to guilt you. What would your dad say? Would he have left your mother alone on the holidays to be with his own mother? Would he have wanted to be the reason you didn't spend time with me? I HIGHLY doubt it.

Well, guess what? She's not the only one who spent a ton of money on you. I don't recall birthday gifts from her...course, she was alright giving you up for that day. A day YOU deemed important. I didn't buy you a lot for Christmas, because I had decided to boycott the whole fucking thing. But THE VERY NIGHT I gave in to your Christmas tree bullshit, you sprung it on me that you were leaving my house early on Christmas Eve and would not be able to take me to work.

That's okay. I may have already booked the reservation for a fancy hotel in Indianapolis, but I can still receive my money back. And there's 2 months to do so. Perhaps we are not serious enough for the Sybaris. That's really more for a serious couple. I don't even know if we are, or WERE, serious enough for the Radisson in Covington.

Envy is not a possession. It's a monster that grows and consumes and breeds hatred. You and your charming mother have planted the seed.